seven.

where do i begin? Its been a while since I've posted mostly because my life has been nothing but the sort of things i am trying to keep out of this journal. drama.

Monday Night was jordan's show at barclay. Sick Fix, Lemuria, Gordan Gano's Army, Screaming Females played. The show was a lot a lot of fun. I love DC kids and everyone from Baltimore who came out. Jordan made a killing for the bands which is awesome. Kids came over to hang out after, Lemuria and Gordan Ganos stayed at the house. I really liked having them all here, they felt like friends and not guests. We made pancakes in the morning and in a last minute decision decided to go see Saw whatever ridiculous number they are on in the afternoon before they left.

i got jay so good.


I came home and convinced Kate, Ben and Chris to eat at to One World to have a roomate bonding meal and stroll. We played tag all the way back home. Kids games have kind of been a theme around the house since ben moved in. I'm all for it. I play freeze tag, hide and go seek and what time is it mr. wolf everyday. You forget how fun it is to just run around for no reason.

Wednesday through yesterday I was bumming on a phone conversation I had. I wanted to disappear and not be around anyone. That sort of thing around here is impossible. Which has its ups and downs but this time it was major downs. I went for a long long walk and swung as high and hard as i could on the swings, which felt really sort of freeing, and walked home hoping to find the house empty. Alas.

Yesterday I rediscovered my favorite pair of pants and I tried to make myself feel better by spending 80 dollars at celebrated. It worked haha. The only good part of last night worth mentioning was Alex, Ben and I's KAT sychonized floor cheer. I fell asleep to a tension that was too think to cut.

everything about leaving it setting in and some parts of it are scaring the living daylights out of me. i can't get to sleep most nights and I really hope that this doesn't become a regular thing again.

i've been doing really well not eating any sugar. Its come to the point where I don't even crave it. Like being vegan, when i see it i think 'oh that looks good' but I don't have to fight with myself to not try it.

Sometimes I wish I was different and feel like I should change. That because I'm so cautious I'm going to miss out and regret things like I have in the past. And sometimes I want to do stupid things out of revenge or feeling hurt. But Ive always been like this and most of the time I am proud of who i am.