Saturday, October 24, 2015

Perhaps its the restlessness of the season that is making me feel so restless. So listless.  Every Autumn I feel restless and bored and boring. And a depression starts cause I come up with grand ideas for change but rarely ever act on them. Maybe this year will be different. All i know is I am growing tired of the pattern of my life right now.
In an effort to assuage some of the swirlings in my head lately I've decided to begin writing again. Im feeling rather stale these days. Life has changed so much in the past few years, with friends settling down and moving away, the end of relationships and whatever pathetic sense of mission that gave me. I feel myself stuck in a cycle of drinking and boredom and tv and am worried I am becoming too much of these things. It effects me, I feel irratible and disinterested in everything. Doldrums. Little to no motivation, and what I do muster up can be squashed by the littlest of negativity.  I want to feel productive again. But where does one start? I pick up small temporary hobbies to keep myself entertained but to what end? I need a mission. I need a purpose. I need an obsession that consumes me. I have it good, friends, a supportive partner, decent paying job, just what am i doing for my self development? What am I showing the world? What do I want to show the world?

Ramona to the rescue.