Wednesday, June 9, 2010


i haven't really felt much like talking lately. i know this isn't abnormal for me but i feel strange. like a stranger. conversations seem like chores and i anxiously wait for them to be over once they begin. i just want to sit and stare blankly, oblivious to things around me. i would say i want things to stop moving, but i know how impossible that is. time goes forwards and almost annoyingly so. boys in basements and boys with houses have my limbs stretched as far as they will go. my eyes hurt. i just want to sit on a couch with a friend, without feeling like i'm gonna have to figure out whats ok or what i want or think about what to say next, i just want to sit together in silence.

Friday, January 1, 2010


Nothing to lose. You know, at least I see now, that it's not a bad place to start a new year. To avoid a pointless sum-up and broad generalizations about this year I am going to end this paragraph here.

I am still in Florida, been here for two weeks now, and definitely itching to get back to life. Although, I'm not sure I have better things to do back home. I feel oddly and depressingly disconnected here, leading me only to conclude I had no real connection at all and, despite knowing this to be false, feeling awfully lonely as a result. I had plans of traveling a lot this month but they seem to be getting picked off one by one. The only plan left is flying to San Francisco near the end of the month to visit Adam and maybe hop on a tour upwards through Washington. I think I might like it there.

I am so ready for a constant. Impatient almost. I cut my hair last night out of that impulse to change that only heartbreak brings. I rather like it.

Pushed you to the ends of every strand, and chopped you off.