twenty.

i miss baltimore a lot tonight, so much that i want to cry.
knowing who your real friends are though is comforting.

nineteen.

holy snowstorm today. the roads are a mess, had to dig the car out, snow in the boots but i love it all. john and i went to mings and drove to the mall, it took like an hour to get there but we had christmas shopping to do and ended up not being there for very long anyways.

yesterday was the sixth rit holiday photo auction i have attended. i got a ton of free film, a fuji jacket, a travel mug, nalgene bottle, and a nikon n6006 body for 10 bucks. not too bad. ruby and matt bought a huge hunk of a laser printer. its pretty hilarious.

i realized what happened today is part of that stuff i don't want. feeling that uncomfortable and lost out of nowhere, i don't miss it. it used to really ruin me for a while but not anymore. forget that mess, im going sledding.

i couldn't say no, but i learned how. i couldn't say no, but i learned how.

eighteen.

a note on john (one) for all you curious souls:

he and i both don't want any sort of relationship and when we talk we kind of get to the point where we agree it makes sense for us not to be see each other but then we both don't want to not be around each other. i am just having fun and enjoying having the good friend and that's all i need or really all want right now. even so, we both work on being better to each other. we (i) can be whatever we (i) need to be.

don't worry about me i say, i am always okay. i would rather not think about it or hash it out so much. it is what it is, until it needs to change.

seventeen.

oh and be prepared for a good amount of posts coming up. i plan on making my 23rd post on my 23rd bithday on the 23rd. yeah, i am that much of a nerd.

sixteen.

yesterday i got my hair cut and i like it. my hair was a wreck from the forty-five minutes i spent tearing it out of that pony tail dread i had over the summer and now it feels a bit healthier which is nice. i am showering more these days, i am not really sure why. i feel dirtier here possibly. the shower here is quite enjoyable, although a stream of water usually is scorching hot and i get burned when i first get in. i bumped showering up to maybe two times a week which is quite the change from two times a month but now that my hair is shorter that number may decline again.

my days here have mostly been filled with hanging out with friends and being really bad at going to school. i am having a tough time finding the motivation to do homework or to go to class even. it's bad but all i am trying to do is pass. hopefully i dont screw up enough to not even accomplish that. i tell myself when i get back from break i will be better.

my birthday is in 5 days. tuesday to be exact. 23 on the 23rd. a whole lifetime of waiting and it is coming. im a little nervous cause i really, naively have big hopes for this year but it will probably just be like any other.

i am drinking more than usual these days too. everyone just says, oh its rochester it's what we do. i never drank much here before but these days i am enjoying it more. and by more than usual i mean like two drinks or so twice a week. probably not a lot by anyones standards.

i had a pretty alright day yesterday. my midterm that i was not ready for in the least got cancelled. john and i watched twin peaks and moved over some of my records(finally!) we had plans of going to the mall but he got called into work. i went ot get my hair cut, watched some my so called life with roomates and roy. then dave and jon and i spent 3 hours doing a cross word puzzle. with some help from the dictionary and maybe a little cheating we finished? it. clue: sticky substances, answer goos.
we will only know next weeke. after i headed to the bug jar for johns dj night. danced a little, talked a little. liked people a bit more. some of us walked to marks and then home.

not sure when i am heading home for the holidays yet.
i might just be home for a few days.

there are so many people i miss a ton and i need to call.

fifteen.

in rochester, kinda busy
just wanted to say how funny this is:

http://jenni-n-kev.livejournal.com/87727.html?view=147375#t147375
so funny.