Saturday, December 20, 2008


i miss baltimore a lot tonight, so much that i want to cry.
knowing who your real friends are though is comforting.

Friday, December 19, 2008


holy snowstorm today. the roads are a mess, had to dig the car out, snow in the boots but i love it all. john and i went to mings and drove to the mall, it took like an hour to get there but we had christmas shopping to do and ended up not being there for very long anyways.

yesterday was the sixth rit holiday photo auction i have attended. i got a ton of free film, a fuji jacket, a travel mug, nalgene bottle, and a nikon n6006 body for 10 bucks. not too bad. ruby and matt bought a huge hunk of a laser printer. its pretty hilarious.

i realized what happened today is part of that stuff i don't want. feeling that uncomfortable and lost out of nowhere, i don't miss it. it used to really ruin me for a while but not anymore. forget that mess, im going sledding.

i couldn't say no, but i learned how. i couldn't say no, but i learned how.

Thursday, December 18, 2008


a note on john (one) for all you curious souls:

he and i both don't want any sort of relationship and when we talk we kind of get to the point where we agree it makes sense for us not to be see each other but then we both don't want to not be around each other. i am just having fun and enjoying having the good friend and that's all i need or really all want right now. even so, we both work on being better to each other. we (i) can be whatever we (i) need to be.

don't worry about me i say, i am always okay. i would rather not think about it or hash it out so much. it is what it is, until it needs to change.


oh and be prepared for a good amount of posts coming up. i plan on making my 23rd post on my 23rd bithday on the 23rd. yeah, i am that much of a nerd.


yesterday i got my hair cut and i like it. my hair was a wreck from the forty-five minutes i spent tearing it out of that pony tail dread i had over the summer and now it feels a bit healthier which is nice. i am showering more these days, i am not really sure why. i feel dirtier here possibly. the shower here is quite enjoyable, although a stream of water usually is scorching hot and i get burned when i first get in. i bumped showering up to maybe two times a week which is quite the change from two times a month but now that my hair is shorter that number may decline again.

my days here have mostly been filled with hanging out with friends and being really bad at going to school. i am having a tough time finding the motivation to do homework or to go to class even. it's bad but all i am trying to do is pass. hopefully i dont screw up enough to not even accomplish that. i tell myself when i get back from break i will be better.

my birthday is in 5 days. tuesday to be exact. 23 on the 23rd. a whole lifetime of waiting and it is coming. im a little nervous cause i really, naively have big hopes for this year but it will probably just be like any other.

i am drinking more than usual these days too. everyone just says, oh its rochester it's what we do. i never drank much here before but these days i am enjoying it more. and by more than usual i mean like two drinks or so twice a week. probably not a lot by anyones standards.

i had a pretty alright day yesterday. my midterm that i was not ready for in the least got cancelled. john and i watched twin peaks and moved over some of my records(finally!) we had plans of going to the mall but he got called into work. i went ot get my hair cut, watched some my so called life with roomates and roy. then dave and jon and i spent 3 hours doing a cross word puzzle. with some help from the dictionary and maybe a little cheating we finished? it. clue: sticky substances, answer goos.
we will only know next weeke. after i headed to the bug jar for johns dj night. danced a little, talked a little. liked people a bit more. some of us walked to marks and then home.

not sure when i am heading home for the holidays yet.
i might just be home for a few days.

there are so many people i miss a ton and i need to call.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008


in rochester, kinda busy
just wanted to say how funny this is:
so funny.

Sunday, November 30, 2008


thanksgiving was good. i was sort of in a weird state of mind when i was home. stressed out and bummed about moving and on the verge of being sick. jen, who is vegetarian, made us some amazing vegan food (stuffing!) and it felt nice to have an accomplice during a holiday i usually feel pretty alone in.

the date of actually leaving keeps getting pushed forward. saturday night. sunday morning, sunday night...mostly due to wanting to have enough time to say goodbye to everyone. i still am not going to be able to fit saying goodbye to some and i feel really terrible about it but theres not much i can do so i am leaving in the morning, for real.
estimated time of arrival in rochester, about 6 or 7 pm. and kate is now coming with me (!!!!) which makes me happier than i care to describe. she will be in rochester til saturday.

friday i flew in from boston, went to work for an hour then came home and packed up the car. that night was punxgiving which i thought was really successful we had a lot of people and a lot of food. i didn't really watch much of the show cause paul came over so we just were being dumb and loud hanging around in the kitchen. ian and brian came which was really nice and the skanarchist played a short set! sourpatch stayed the night and were really fun house guests. i liked having them around. saturday kate and i went to ikea and old navy to pick up a few things like a KING size comforter. heck yeah. its so ridiculously big for my bed, but i love it. afterwards brendan and i made pasta and watched control and then the title screen of control for like 2 hours haha.

today we had vegan brunch reunion which was fun. my car battery was dead this morning AGAIN. so i had to make some miserable uhh its raining and i kno wyou are in bed still but will you help me? calls. which was not very fun.
thinking about staying here tonight.

and now if you'll excuse me i have to return some video tapes.

Monday, November 24, 2008


the schedule as it lies

0104-220-71 PERSONAL FINANCIAL MGMT- 4 credit hours
0502-443-01 WRITTEN ARGUMENT- 4 credit hours
0509-450-01 SEM:AM INDIVIDLST ANARCHISM- 4 credit hours
2081-359-01 BOOKBINDING- 3 credit hours
2061-313-01 PREP OF VISUALS- 3 credit hours


time is going by so so so fast and the day i move is near. ive felt bad because i am trying to get in a time to see everyone before I go but since last wednesday til i leave my time is almost completly filled.

wednesday i worked 14 hours then met brendan at 29th and calvert. we walked around, drank tea and hung out at his house til, oh i dont know, 4am. He walked me home cause my bike has a flat.

thursday i went out to one world with brendan then I drove Kate to her family's house in Columbia. I met her brother, sister, mom and nephew and like them all very much. Its sometimes nice to be ina place that feels like a home, ya know? I left from there and drove to college park to met Paul at his house. We went to Soul Veg, vegan mac!, and watched some tv and ate some ice cream. It always nice to see him.

friday work was a bit frustrating but ok, there was a benefit at the space with free delicious vegan donuts . Cringe, South Carey and dead mechanical played. It was pretty fun. Jordan and I went to the golden west after cause kate and I were supposed to be leaving for nyc soon after she got off work. That didnt happen.

We hung out there til around 12:30 then decided it was still a good idea to leave for the city. We convinced hilary to come and off we went. About 30 minutes in, we decided to head to philadelphia instead. Much closer and I like it 100% more. We stayed with Jeremy and Matt. I was very happy to see them again. "are you guys gonna be up for a while?" "yeah were gonna smoke a blunt" nothing has changed. haha I love em.

Our day in philly was filled with vegan food stuffs, record stores and a show at the lava space. We came home saturday night.
yesterday i went to ikea and was there for a ridiculous amount of time. i got kate a filing cabinet and for myself I got a mattress, a shelf of bins, a desk, blankets, mugs, and a kettle for the house cause we are in dire need. I am very excited to set all of this stuff up in my new room and see what fits and what doesn't as I have no clue what the room looks like.

last night kate, greg and i went to this really great spot on our way home from the store. Where laid out on a bridge under stars. It was nice. We went home and started to watch Lord of the Rings but was interrupted by video chat!

We were all very excited.
Everyone filtered out after the chat ended til it was just john and I on the couch watching lord of the rings at like 3 am. He went home and I fell asleep on the couch which i found to be much more comfortable and warm then my bed. go figure.

so thats it. im at work now, kingston is asleep. I fly home tonight at 8:30!!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008


yesterday was such a great day. the kids were in good moods and so was i. colette and i made awesome marshmallow chocolate chip cookies which looked delicious and made up funny versions of "down by the bay." After melissa got home i went to roisin's for an hour or so. We made forts with blankets and couch cushions. Not too bad for a day of work.
Tomorrow I am working 8:30-10pm.

So, thus far the cat has managed to pee on 3 of 5 beds in the house, chris' bed has been wet twice. Poor chris. I am beginning to think something is wrong with lulabella besides the litter. I am holding my breath for my own bed. We all now shut and guard the doors to our bedrooms and to the basement and you can tell the cat feels a little weird about it, wondering around with half the space it used to have.

When i got home yesterday, the travellers and superfan were still here, and rachel was over. Its always nice to come home to people. John proved to be a super nerd and watched youtube videos of the fastest car ever. Jordan and I tried to start a prank war. We then, with a little of my silly mood convincing, got snacks and went to Johns where we watched a movie and hung out. Jordan fell asleep in my chair but john and i stayed up and watched more tv, malcom in the middle and home movies to be exact. I fell asleep.

Jordan and i walked home this morning to find cat pee on his bed. HA HA!

Now it is today. I'm not sure what to do, I am a little bored I must admit. I can't wait to get all my new bike gear!!

Monday, November 17, 2008


i slept very late yesterday, later than i have since the summers of high school, 12:45. an excuse though: i did go to bed late and wake up at 7:30 and not go back to bed til around 10 so it wasn't so so terrible of me.

i accomplished a lot yesterday, cleaning the house, getting the basement ready for the show, sorting through my clothes and filling my free stuff box to the brim, grocery shopping, driving kate to work, searching for a place to buy apple cider and not being able to find it anywhere, making 2 batches of cookies then another when my roomates refused to accept that they were not allowed to eat them, then show time.

kids started showing up early and we had a really great turn out. paul and lauren came which was nice although i think they felt weird or bored or something. the show went well, the pa cracked a bit while peter and the wolf played so he cut the set short but red played acoustically upstairs after most people left. he played for so long and a lot of old songs i had never heard which was really nice.

after the show we all hung out for a bit and i etalked for well, the rest of the night with brendon, the boy i danced with quite awkwardly at that annex party. he left and i came back inside to my three best friends with the biggest, goofies smiles on their faces just waiting to harrass me. jerks.

i gotta say it was the first conversation i've had in a long time where in my head i wasn't secretly figuring out ways to escape from it.

2:30 in the morning, red, eric?, and superfan came home very drunk and very loud. they kept coming down to the basement, flipping the florescent light on and then leaving it on. ah! I had to get up five times to turn it off.
I hate hate hate that light.

this is my last week here. ugh.




Friday, November 14, 2008


i ate sugar today. gave in, got gelato with alex and ben. it was worth it.
just a one time thing though, i feel much better without it.


where do i begin? Its been a while since I've posted mostly because my life has been nothing but the sort of things i am trying to keep out of this journal. drama.

Monday Night was jordan's show at barclay. Sick Fix, Lemuria, Gordan Gano's Army, Screaming Females played. The show was a lot a lot of fun. I love DC kids and everyone from Baltimore who came out. Jordan made a killing for the bands which is awesome. Kids came over to hang out after, Lemuria and Gordan Ganos stayed at the house. I really liked having them all here, they felt like friends and not guests. We made pancakes in the morning and in a last minute decision decided to go see Saw whatever ridiculous number they are on in the afternoon before they left.

i got jay so good.

I came home and convinced Kate, Ben and Chris to eat at to One World to have a roomate bonding meal and stroll. We played tag all the way back home. Kids games have kind of been a theme around the house since ben moved in. I'm all for it. I play freeze tag, hide and go seek and what time is it mr. wolf everyday. You forget how fun it is to just run around for no reason.

Wednesday through yesterday I was bumming on a phone conversation I had. I wanted to disappear and not be around anyone. That sort of thing around here is impossible. Which has its ups and downs but this time it was major downs. I went for a long long walk and swung as high and hard as i could on the swings, which felt really sort of freeing, and walked home hoping to find the house empty. Alas.

Yesterday I rediscovered my favorite pair of pants and I tried to make myself feel better by spending 80 dollars at celebrated. It worked haha. The only good part of last night worth mentioning was Alex, Ben and I's KAT sychonized floor cheer. I fell asleep to a tension that was too think to cut.

everything about leaving it setting in and some parts of it are scaring the living daylights out of me. i can't get to sleep most nights and I really hope that this doesn't become a regular thing again.

i've been doing really well not eating any sugar. Its come to the point where I don't even crave it. Like being vegan, when i see it i think 'oh that looks good' but I don't have to fight with myself to not try it.

Sometimes I wish I was different and feel like I should change. That because I'm so cautious I'm going to miss out and regret things like I have in the past. And sometimes I want to do stupid things out of revenge or feeling hurt. But Ive always been like this and most of the time I am proud of who i am.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


obama won. i took the long way home from johns so i could experience the streets. kids were running around, people were cheerin

i will paint my bike today. it will be my blue frame, white and grey with maybe some yellow accents. well see. first i have to find someone with the strength to get off my back tire. its on there so tight. argh.

tonight greg and rachel are showing earthlings at towson. i will cry.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


today is election day which is a bit exciting i must admit. its hard not to get caught up in it all. i really hope obama wins and i wish that i could have a say in it but once again i don't. And as much as the voting process isn't perfect to any extent and that many feel they don't have a say, or really even a choice at all i think it is still important to actually go and vote and be involved. i hate when people say it doesn't matter either way. i just don't like the attitude. we all count and on the other hand you are probably going to have to do more than just not vote to make some sort of political statement other than i'm just lazy.

last night i went to jordan's show at the art space. i wasn't planning on it but he texted me that no one was there so i figured i should show some support and rode over with ben and patrick. the show was sort of a cumulation of things that have been annoying me lately about certain radical thinkers. i would just like to say before i go on a huge rant that skirting around paying for a show like that is neither punk nor cool, not supporting your friends is not punk and not being open minded to people "less radical" than you is not punk. the end.

after the show two bands from seattle, doomhawk and filth mattress, stayed at the house. we went and got lots of food at giant and they made curry for everyone which was delicious. after eating we sat around and talked about the (in)finite internet and the end of the world in 2012 and with that i went to bed.

its raining today. it is november fourth.
i feel like i have so much to be before i go back to rochester.
by the way i died my hair


Monday, November 3, 2008


i spent most of yesterday frustrated and looking for my keys. I had a whole day planned that could not be accomplished without them. The day ended up being pretty good besides that fact. John and I went to Daphne's play Red Death at UMBC. It was dark and bizarre and i'm not sure in a good or bad way. I cam home and made cookies, sugar and banana chocolate chip that i just made up, then rode over to the ottobar.

Paul came. It was nice to hang out with him since i don't see too much of him any how. Bane was really fun. I will love them always. People didn't go off as much as I am used to which made room to just dance around and be an idiot without being stage dived to death. perfect. After their set paul and i walked to get drinks at the gas station and then John and Kevin rode up. Joey was DJ-ing up stairs at the same time so for the rest of the night I just wondered up and down. Watched a little of H20, went up to the bar to hang out, until i went to say bye and get my jacket from Paul's friends car. I forget his name but I really liked him.

He, Paul and I stood outside and talked for a while and then we were joined by another and I found myself listening to ridiculous stories of hardcore beef, punching people in the face and stuffing mailboxes with fireworks. I decided to go back in to the otto bar to see what everyone else was up to. The bar was slow so john and i decided to try attempt #2 at watching There will be blood. We got a little bit further this time before we fell asleep, a good solid 30 more minutes I would venture to say. I woke up to the credits and rode home around 3:30.

Kate and I had a nice day out today. We went to Ikea. Where i got some things I am really excited about. A 2x5 expedit finally, chalkboard easel, three hanging lights, a bath mat and shower curtains. Then we went over to a parking lot in Hunt Valley so I could buy a turntable off this man from Craigslist. He was the nicest and most sincere guy ever. So i felt really good about it. He brought an AC adapter for his car so I could plug the table in and see if it worked. Its a technics table in great condition for 50 bucks.

so, this parking lot turned out to be the Wegmans parking lot! Bonus! We of course went in, grazed the bulk section and got some groceries. Then ate lunch, did some stealth missioning, and drove home. The trees are just now starting to turn and it is looking more and more like home here these days.

I am going to try to see the secret life of bees tonight by myself. it will be nice.
ps. i had left my keys at sonar.

Sunday, November 2, 2008


my pink eyes made there way to a few japanese blogs, for example:

i think i will go to ikea today.

Saturday, November 1, 2008


so everyone, i finally did it!
i had a good halloween. the best ive ever had in fact, not that past years have been much to top with being sick, sleeping through it and fighting with boys for the last six years. i got out of this one scotch free and i gave out candy to trick or treaters for the first time, even if they were my friends from down the street. thanks guys, you are all the best.

i worked at sonar for the first time last night, doing will call. for the first hour or so i really felt like i was doing everything wrong even if my job was to simply check ids and hand people their tickets. a band called metrostation played and they attracted a million 11-17 year olds dressed in age-inappropriate costumes. also on a trip to the bathroom i sadly found "--- was here to f--k metrostation 10-31-08." needless to say, it was a little bit ridiculous.

since i got off before john, he let me take his car home so i could try to get some sort of last minute costume together. at home, kate and rachel had the same idea and were furiously sewing ears and cuteness onto hoodies. thankfully they helped me become a vampire cat of sorts since i couldnt find anything brown for a deer. it worked out well cause i didnt even have to change from the clothes i was wearing.

john called, so i went back to sonar to pick him up but we ended up hanging out and dancing like morons at taxlo for a little while. bizarre love triangle was played and i was happy.

not to long after, we went home. we stopped by the wind up space to say hi, but were greeted by indiana jones and a very sick jill so we just went back to john and kevin's. today thinking back on the night from that point, i could barely tell jordan cause i was laughing so hard, from parallel parking to kevin sticking his belly out and jill chipping her tooth. john and i walked to university mart and got fries and candy, came back and started watching there will be blood. i fell asleep much faster than i lead on. i'm not sure why we thought it was a good idea to start watching a 3 hour serious movie at 2:30 in the morning. made sense at the time. oh well.

i walked home this morning around 11, it was such a nice day, and on entering the house i saw kate and rachel in the kitchen making breakfast for everyone. pancakes, potatoes, apple topping and cider. i really have the best life. our neighbors all came by sporatically and ate with us on the porch. i played guitar and later in the day fell asleep in kates bed while her and rachel got ready to start their days.

i think i am going to bike to yabba pot and treat myself to some unchicken salad. yum.

Friday, October 31, 2008


sitting today was pretty funny. colette came home from school where she had eaten ALL the candy corn that was on her costume glue and all. so we glued more on and i got to go home early because it is halloween!

so in the spirit of the holiday i am making our house listen to 24 hours of misfits and in the spirit of greg mazur i am eating a pb chocolate chip sandwich. not as good at pb and agave i must say but still, not a bad snacky sandwich.

i have to be at sonar at 5:30 for work. I am doing will call. it should be interesting. an easy few bucks and both john and jordan are working too.