thirty-nine

i haven't really felt much like talking lately. i know this isn't abnormal for me but i feel strange. like a stranger. conversations seem like chores and i anxiously wait for them to be over once they begin. i just want to sit and stare blankly, oblivious to things around me. i would say i want things to stop moving, but i know how impossible that is. time goes forwards and almost annoyingly so. boys in basements and boys with houses have my limbs stretched as far as they will go. my eyes hurt. i just want to sit on a couch with a friend, without feeling like i'm gonna have to figure out whats ok or what i want or think about what to say next, i just want to sit together in silence.