I've been feeling really happy lately. Like good about who I am, resolved in knowing what is not for me. Heartbeats slowing to a steady rate. So, even if pain comes, which it does a little still every now and then, it doesn't drown me. My heads a littler farther above the water and I have room to take a deep breathe and remember I know how to swim. I laugh, I find a confidence that seems to hide now when I am around you. But I feel myself again, no tip toeing no figuring out whats going on. My best friend's head is back and he is so so happy. I saw his real smile for the first time in months. It sent a jolt of warmth through my every inch. I work with people I really love and love me. And don't even get me started on my family. The best.

John invited me for thanksgiving, and I declined.
I had a lot of invites, but I am having my own day today.
Cooking/baking myself my favorite things and making the holiday my own.
I feel great, though, I miss my family.

I find myself waking up next to you and not wanting to stay.

Feels good to not care what happens.
And not beat yourself for loving someone so intensely,
despite knowing their cycles all too well. shruh
At least I don't waiver.