I had a dream last night that my teeth were rotting out of my mouth. At first they started chipping off in pieces then they would fall out in twos or threes leaving huge gaping holes in my gums. I caught them in my hands and quickly shoved them in my pocket. I gave him an embarrassed gummy grin as I looked back up, realizing it was over, how could he ever love a toothless girl.

THINGS ARE GOOD WHINEY MISERY BLOG THAT I FORGOT ABOUT

SEE YA

i'm in the same exact fucking place i was in last year. but in a colder city, more bored and fed up.

get a clue lamey lula.

thirty-nine

i haven't really felt much like talking lately. i know this isn't abnormal for me but i feel strange. like a stranger. conversations seem like chores and i anxiously wait for them to be over once they begin. i just want to sit and stare blankly, oblivious to things around me. i would say i want things to stop moving, but i know how impossible that is. time goes forwards and almost annoyingly so. boys in basements and boys with houses have my limbs stretched as far as they will go. my eyes hurt. i just want to sit on a couch with a friend, without feeling like i'm gonna have to figure out whats ok or what i want or think about what to say next, i just want to sit together in silence.

thirty-eight

Nothing to lose. You know, at least I see now, that it's not a bad place to start a new year. To avoid a pointless sum-up and broad generalizations about this year I am going to end this paragraph here.

I am still in Florida, been here for two weeks now, and definitely itching to get back to life. Although, I'm not sure I have better things to do back home. I feel oddly and depressingly disconnected here, leading me only to conclude I had no real connection at all and, despite knowing this to be false, feeling awfully lonely as a result. I had plans of traveling a lot this month but they seem to be getting picked off one by one. The only plan left is flying to San Francisco near the end of the month to visit Adam and maybe hop on a tour upwards through Washington. I think I might like it there.

I am so ready for a constant. Impatient almost. I cut my hair last night out of that impulse to change that only heartbreak brings. I rather like it.

Pushed you to the ends of every strand, and chopped you off.

thirty-seven

i am almost twenty four. i have been saying this for weeks now but still never seems to ring true in my mind. i can't believe it. twenty three is almost over. twenty three, the year i've been looking forward to since i can't even remember has less than four days left. so crazy. my roommates and i sat in our new sunporch today, next to our christmas tree with snow falling outside the windows all around us. we sat discussing how our years went. kate and alan said awful. i was the only one that could honestly say that my year has been pretty great, it may have started off as the worst year ever, but has come to live up to my year twenty-three hopes. i was so worried i would be depressed at the end of this year but i actually feel good. hell yeah.

new house, new roommates, looking for a new job. my life is changing dramatically right now but i feel like its getting more organized. i feel good. in check. plus i've had a really good couple of days, FUN days. the way home from hampden last week was so much fun, the other night the golden west after hours was so much fun, yesterday the tui video shoot was so much fun. today, trudging through the snow with jon and alan was so much fun. i have a crush on a guy that is reciprocal maybe and even if i don't act on it, this makes me feel good. Like faith restored, just when i was feeling like i never wanted to feel anything again."The type of boy who shows up to your work to surprise you with lunch." hell yeah.

my best friends are one by one moving closer to me but i miss the guts out of so many people still. i think i might go visit adam in california in january. but i also need to go to massachusetts and want to go to rochester that month too and i also want to be around maryland for some things. life needs to get closer together.

im flying to florida tomorrow too. life, hell yeah.