wow. i did absolutely nothing today and i feel like a complete waste about it. i had a rough night last night, i won't explain but i was in a very dark place that really shook me.
i think from now on i am going to try to be a bit more positive and stay a little more busy. i need to keep my mind from running away from me. i've been so lazy lately, ignoring a list of things that i dont even need to get done but things i actually want to get done that just goes on not getting done. i need to call some people, make some books, mix tapes, and feel good about myself again.
i've lost sight of amy in all this. i need to return to former philosophies and being a little more steady and thoughtful. i've always thought it was pointless to imprison someone in a relationship they didn't want. pain is a sometimes necessary part of life, and i guess i just have felt numb for so long that i was terrified to actually feel again, you know? i was scared to just be hurt. but i am not anymore, i am welcoming it. cause at least when you feel like your heart is going to explode, you know its there and when the pain fades, you feel like never before. like when you are getting to that point of a run where your body feels like it is on fire but you know if you just stick it out, soon, you will feel on top of the world and that you could run forever.
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